Part of Her Died
by softlucidrain
Summary: Holly's POV. Some of Holly's thoughts on the events in Opal Deception; may contain spoilers. one-shot. Rated for a little bit of language later.


A/N hello! this is my first story, so plz tell me if i do anything wrong! umm, the first part takes place while she's waiting for Artemis to wake up after he and Butler jumped out the window, and the second part is obviously when he wakes up. o yea, if anyone seems OOC, im really sorry, this plot came to me in about 10 seconds and i just wrote it down. i hope you like it! D

disclaimer- i so totally do NOT own Artemis Fowl...or do i? jk

--

Holly felt terrible.

Not only was today one of the worst days in her many years of living, it was the last for one of the only people she really liked, even if he got on her nerves sometimes with his temper. And almost the last for another person she felt close to who also got on her nerves sometimes with his clever retorts, if it weren't for Butler, bless him. He jumped out of a window for God's sake.

--

He was like a father to her, Julius was. And now he was dead.

Holly still couldn't fully comprehend it; it was impossible, he was one of the LEP's finest! Surely that should have counted for something, how could he have died for such a retarded reason?!

He had died because some mentally challenged pixie who thought the world, no, the universe revolved around her and who really needed to thrown into the deepest depths of the Earth's core to be consumed by the Earth's, no, Holly's anger and wrath for what she did to Julius, wanted revenge. And for such a dumb revenge too, because they had foiled her plan and saved thousands of lives, and not to mention, kept her from ruling the _entire_ Earth; above _and_ below it.

He hadn't even received the amount of honor he deserved, not that he ever did. He had saved Haven numerous times, and never received enough credit, not that he ever complained, or cared for that matter. Even after death, he wasn't respected enough; they hardly paid attention to the fact that he was dead, they were all talking about how his own officer "killed" him.

Every time she thought about it, she wanted to cry, to not cry, to hit something, to throw something. All those hours training seemed to have done nothing for her aim, she had missed the sweet spot, and effectively killed him. Even if it was the bomb that actually killed him, she still felt guilty that she had missed the only opportunity to save him. So much guilt, actually, she was surprised her wings could keep her aloft with all her feelings bearing down on her.

If she wasn't still so pissed at that whore, she would have mourned the death of Julius; maybe later when her brain would finally realize the entire truth; that he was gone, forever.

Not just gone, but for forever.

Just like her own, biological father.

Ha, it was almost funny it was so ironic, every father-figure she had was taken away.

She absentmindedly played with the thought of what she would do when her mind finally caught up. Would she sob like a baby? She already did a good amount of crying, she would be surprised if she still could. Would she cry silent tears? The kind of tears you deny and quickly wipe away if someone asks. Maybe she wouldn't cry, and stood up straight, proud; proud, to have worked with him (was he proud to have worked with her?), proud, to have him care enough about her to try to make her be the best recon officer (or was that for his own reputation?), proud, for him to have said he was proud of her (was he really?). Maybe she wouldn't feel anything at all.

She couldn't decide what was the worst, best.

She was just too confused.

--

When she realized it wouldn't get better by fretting and tried to calm down, Artemis awoke. At first, it seemed a bit strange; surely, _surely_, the sight of her should bring his memories back. She was a fairy for heaven's sake! She was one of his only friends, even she knew that. Then why? Why was he asking such glaringly obvious questions? Why?!

Then it hit her.

She was not important enough for her to be a trigger.

She didn't make enough of an impression, she was not important enough.

She was foolish to even think it.

First she was so useless that she couldn't even save her own captain, and now she couldn't even jog a few memories.

She told him everything of course, just like he asked, in a cool, calm, and collected way.

She fought to keep her voice steady.

--

She realized that day that all those people were right. She was hotshot jock who thought she had everything under control. The only reason she was still with the force was because of Juli- Commander Root. The reason she depended on Commander Root to keep her there was because of Art- the Mud Boy, who could convince her to do anything, even if it was against orders. He changed her life, and she thought she changed his. Obviously not. It was glaringly obvious that he never did trust anybody except himself, she had been foolish to think that that had changed.

She had been so foolish.

She decided to never trust anything after that. Trust was what got her into this mess in the first place. She decided to close up her heart, to take after the practice of that Mud Boy. Of course, she acted normal, because if anyone found out, things would get complicated…

--

(Artemis's diary excerpt) (takes place after everything is done)

……_.I have seen a change in Holly, though I can't quite put my finger on it. Most of it is the same, her usual cheeriness, mood swings, and name-callings. Everything is normal, except there is a bit of a forced feeling, as if she were acting. Indeed, her actions have become a little more cold and cruel, and she always seems a bit edgy. Maybe it is just me, because neither Butler nor Juliet seem to have noticed. Then again, Holly can be quite the actor if she wanted to be._

_Also, I have noticed in some of her documents she referred to Julius as Commander Root, and not Julius, like she did at first when he died; and me as Mud Boy and humans in general as Mud Men; the habit that I thought had ceased to exist. Maybe she just feels more comfortable that way._

_But there is one thing I am sure of:_

_Part of her died on that day. _

_--_

was it a little angsty? im sorry, its just the way i write. o, and if anyone wants more from me, write me some reviews, cause if not, ill think you all hate me and i wont write anymore D


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